Sadly So

Why Misgendering is Bad

2011-04-26T13:18:00.000-04:00

[Note: This is a repost of a post by Char C. and not by me. The author has granted repost permission and even asks for it to be reposted.]

As a trans person, one of the more difficult parts of being around those who are not trans is the danger of being misgendered- that is, being addressed with a pronoun (she/he/etc) which is incorrect. This happens to trans people with unfortunate regularity, and is an error committed almost exclusively by those who are aware of the trans status of the person being misgendered.

When someone is misgendered, I often get quite visibly angry. The thing is, I know that kind of strong reaction can take someone who has committed this offense off guard, especially if one has little experience with interacting with openly trans people. I can understand why someone who has made this mistake with a trans person might feel hurt and defensive in response to that person’s clear anger, when one is not sure why this is such a sensitive issue in the first place. So I was hoping to take just a moment to explain why we react this way.

People with trans history are not able to take their gender for granted, the way that people without that history do. We go through a long and really difficult process, almost all of which is invisible to anyone else. For example, I struggled with profound gender dysphoria for over a decade before deciding to take any steps to alleviate it. This struggle did not kill me, but it came close on countless occasions. At this point, I see my active transition process as the only alternative to suicide, a perspective shared by quite a few trans people.

We’re not ignorant of the consequences of being trans, after all. Our culture fears and hates us, openly and actively. It seems that every damn day I see another reporting of assault on a trans sibling of mine. We would not accept the clear day-to-day risks of living in such a trans-hostile environment if we were not convinced that the alternative to transition were worse. All of which is simply to illustrate the fact that gender is not something we take lightly, but is an aspect of our identity upon which we place great value and importance.

People who have misgendered anyone with trans history often take the defensive position that misgendering is not such a big deal. Often the argument is made that they, personally, would not take such offense if they had been misgendered. First, let me reiterate that gender is something people with no trans experience or history can take for granted. If you have never had to earn the right to be your gender from an unwelcoming physician, or fight for the right to exist as your gender while waiting for the bus or trying to use a public restroom, then you are probably a whole lot less invested in the way that people see you. Second, I have to disagree with the idea that trans people are the only people who are offended by misgendering. In my years in the service industry, I have seen firsthand countless reactions of people exploding in rage when offered an incorrect ma’am or sir. Gender is important to most people’s identity, regardless of trans history, and most find the egregious insult of misgendering pretty darn offensive.

Also important for myself and many like me is the question of sexual orientation. When my boyfriend or I have been misgendered, the message implied (despite any intent on the part of the person who misgendered us) is that he and I are engaged in a heterosexual relationship. The further implication is that we are playing the part of a queer couple, faux faggots, merrily appropriating the fashion of the gay community while actually living out a straight lifestyle.

The gaybashers on the street corners disagree. We are read as homos by people who don’t know us- a fact which highlights the interesting point that without exception, the people who misgender my boyfriend are those who know that he is trans. So we find ourselves stuck: attacked by homophobes for being gay, and snubbed by the gay community for being transgendered. Being misgendered brings up these frustrations and resentments, reminding us that it is impossible for us to leave our house without being scrutinized and attacked by both strangers and acquaintances. It may seem like a small Freudian slip in conversation to the person who misgenders us, but in fact it is a reminder that the rest of our lives will be spent under fire, as second class citizens.

The next time you are in conversation with a trans person and you misgender them, don’t try to brush it off as inconsequential or become defensive when your error is pointed out. Simply apologize honestly for your mistake, and try to be more aware of what is coming out of your mouth in the future.

-Char C.

(Please feel free to repost this.)

Baltimore McDonalds Protest - 7pm, Monday, 25 April 2011

2011-04-23T23:33:00.002-04:00

A rally in front of the Rosedale McDonald's in Baltimore is planned by trans groups for 7pm this coming Monday to send the message that the recent beating of a woman who was using the bathroom at that McDonald's is not acceptable, CBS Baltimore reports.

Chrissy Lee Polis was beaten by two women, an event which was videoed and later uploaded to Youtube by a now-fired McDonald's employee, with only a single customer moving to try to stop the attack while employees and other customers merely watched and can be seen talking about the attack in a video from the Baltimore Sun.

For those wishing to attend the demo or to voice their opinions directly to that McDonald's: 6315 Kenwood Ave, Baltimore, 410-866-3250.

Ugly Is Bone Deep

2011-03-07T22:46:00.000-05:00

I've been following an anti-kink discussion at a radical feminist blog for a post that's been garnering comments for almost two years now. Recent comments there have me wondering if it's not just a lack of empathy that is the problem when certain feminists (usually anti-kink/anti-porn/transphobic radical feminists) refuse to listen to other women and instead keep making straw people of them. Because for a long while, I did think it was just a matter of not being able to empathise with others who are not like them. That could explain their efforts to make sure feminism is not for everyone (counter to bell hooks) but is for certain women, women who they see as enough like them. But based on the comments I read tonight which were horrid, twisted, lurid, sexualised fantasies of mutilation and death (which they assigned to kinky feminists), I just have to wonder if they're not the same as those ministers who are especially found in the US and who stand in their pulpits or on their stages and decry in the same kind of overwhelming detail certain types of sexual activities that you later find they have engaged in. I have to wonder about people who imagine in such extreme details things they claim to detest and stand against. Only, I'll be honest, instead of it being something okay like it often is with ministers such as men having sex with men, when it's things like rape, mutilation, and murder? These people scare me. Because they also sound like the stuff I've heard on true crime documentaries about the activities of serial rapists and serial killers. I don't know about most people, but those are the kinds of thing I hear and then shove out of my mind, not store them to pull out to assign as supposedly what people I oppose want.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with feminists who don't agree with me. But I want honest disagreement. I want people who don't fantasise about why people do things when there are people doing those things who are saying why they do them (as there have been on the thread I'm talking about) as opponents. I want honest engagement and discussion. I'm not assuming this is going to happen with these people for whatever reasons, but I won't be there any more. I refuse to be exposed to someone else's nightmare fantasy vomited on the screen. It squicks me, it disgusts me, it scares me. And while I've been mostly talking about a specific instance with anti-kink feminists, I'm doing the same with transphobic and other feminists who engage in similar disgusting fantasies. Because that's not discussion, that's not debate, that's just slut shaming, misogyny, and other forms of hate.

Transphobic Feminists? It's Your Turn

2010-11-29T18:41:00.002-05:00

I could spend all of my time responding to the transphobic nonsense that's put forth as a valid form of feminism. But it would quickly get repetitive even as I took on a new thing from a transphobic feminist every day. Because there's nothing new. So, guess what, transphobic feminists? It's time to justify yourselves. Not just smack on trans women with lies and half-truths and evasions as you assume the support of cis feminists but have to build your case from the ground up. However, you're not getting to do it here.

polerin has provided a blog post for you transphobic feminists to justify yourselves.

Have at it. The shoe's finally on the other foot. As it always should have been.

Remembering Our Other Dead

2010-11-20T13:46:00.001-05:00

Today is the 12th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance, the day we remember those trans people (and those who were suspected of being trans or who were with a trans person) who have been taken from us by transphobic violence. It is a somber day, a day when we remember that transphobia not only grinds us down every day but can ultimately kill. I highly recommend you go to a a TDOR event in your area if one is being held.

However, I wanted to do something different for this TDOR. I wanted to talk about the fact that the transphobic violence that kills us does not always come at the hands of another. Sometimes it's at our own hands. Almost half of living trans people have attempted suicide. I am one of them.

While many factors contributed to my suicide attempt the primary one was the transphobia I had internalised over years. The self-loathing from knowing how abject a person I was built to self-hatred and, when I lost my primary emotional support, finally to the calm assurance that the way to deal with transphobia was to kill myself. Because I had not transitioned at that time. I knew lots of things. I knew that I would always look like "a man in a dress", that I would never be truly accepted among lesbians (even though cis lesbians had always been very supportive of me, a rarity for a trans woman), that no one could truly love me as a woman because I had the wrong genital configuration, but most of all that I was a freak and a pervert. Does any of that sound familiar to you? It should as that's the transphobia that surrounds us and pervades our culture.

I was fortunate. I changed my mind at the last moment, and, while I paid the price for my attempt in time in hospital, permanent physical damage, and likely a shortened lifespan, I consider myself lucky. I lived and decided to transition. Not everyone is so lucky.

Transphobia in a cis person can obviously be deadly. The roll of names that we read every year shows just how deadly. And those names should not be forgotten. They should be remembered as lives lost to the hatred of trans people. But we should also spare a thought for those whose names we likely don't know. Because transphobia in a trans person can be just as deadly, likely even more deadly considering the number of those of us who have tried suicide and lived. Spare a thought today for those trans people who may have never come out enough to even hint to others that they were trans. Spare a thought for those trans people who learned the hatred of trans people so well that their response was to kill themselves because they could not live with that hatred.

Even if you have never hurt a trans person, if you have expressed transphobia you may have contributed, in however small a part, to the death of a trans person. That is even more sombering than knowing that trans people are killed by others. Even if you can't stop a murderer from killing us, you can help prevent the death of trans people by stomping out transphobia in yourself and others. Please remember that beyond this day of remembrance.

ETA: I would be remiss if I did not provide trans-specific suicide prevention information. Here are two brochures provided by the MTPC on transgender suicide.

Candle Light Memorial for Stacey Blahnik

2010-10-15T19:31:00.000-04:00

The House of Blahnik has announced there will be a candle light memorial tomorrow (Saturday, 16th October) in Philadelphia for Stacey Blahnik, found murdered in her home on the 11th. Since, for somewhat complex reasons, I am currently in Philadelphia I will be attending. Although I was not familiar with Stacey, we lose too many trans women, especially trans women of colour, for me to not pay my respects to her especially given her work as a trans activist.

The details of the candle light memorial are as follows:
Candle Light Memorial
Saturday, Oct. 16th
6:30pm – 9:30pm
Love Park – 15th/JFK (Phila, PA)
4 info contact Father Kiron Prodigy 267-401-5085

I hope that anyone who can make it to memorial will attend. I hope to see you there.

Rage: (Cis) Feminists Other Trans Women

2010-09-29T15:42:00.002-04:00

This is going to be a short ragy post because, as a feminist and a trans woman I find it depressing to dwell on this subject much. Feminism has a long, shameful history of only being for some women, the right women. The sex-positive movement, womanism, and others owe part of their existence to the fact that feminisms, or perhaps more accurately, feminists have not lived up to any sort of ideal that feminism is the radical idea that women are people. As a trans woman I'm definitely not people and often not a woman.

Now I'm not just talking about the transphobic radscum types who take pride in their hatred for trans women. Haters are everywhere, only their supposed justifications differ. Radscum really say the same things as the religious fundamentalist haters. So I dismiss them pretty easily. Except.

Except it's amazing how most cis feminists don't actually denounce radscum. Oh, they're happy to give lip service about how awful it is that they say these things but they're otherwise happy to accept that they really are feminists who are concerned about all women. Or, you even get cis feminists who claim to not be transphobic and then make approving comments at radscum hate sites. But the most annoying thing is when cis feminists don't necessarily do these things but make statements that exclude trans women as women and as feminists. Like this lovely quote I found in a recent post by a cis feminist elsewhere:

I am always fascinated when transgendered people describe (witness!) the sexism they have encountered, and chronicle the differences in the ways they are treated after transitioning to man/woman. I don't think any better witnesses concerning the realities of sexism can be found, since they really have experienced it from both sides of the gender spectrum.

That's pretty othering. Trans people as witnesses to sexism. Like we're subjects of an experiment that cis feminists are running. Like we're not feminists but only exist to "fascinate" cis feminists. This is the sort of reason why some trans women are saying they are no longer feminists. Because feminism doesn't include us. At best we're examples for feminism in its relentless theorising, our lived experience considered in the most limited way. Silly trans women! We show how the system is broken! Thanks for that. Maybe feminism will liberate you when they liberate all women (ie, never). But don't con yourself that you're a feminist who can theorise and analyse like cis feminists!

So why do I stay a feminist? Because I do believe in the ideals. Because I know feminists won't listen to non-feminist criticism. Heck, they barely listen to feminist criticism. I'm sure at some point it will be too much for me to bear any more and feminists will drive me out of feminism. No great loss. Same old, same old.

Body of Work: On Transition and Gender Expression For All

2010-09-07T20:57:00.000-04:00

Transition has also changed me a lot physically. Now I'm not going into all the physical changes I've done in transition because I find cis people seem to treat it as entertainment or use it to misspeak truths about me. I will however mention the most obvious public changes. My chest has changed significantly which I'm getting used to although I still often glance down and think "Oh, that's right, I have cleavage." My face has also changed, although I personally have a harder time seeing that change because I still seem to seek out what I've always seen in my face. I also am still slowly getting "hippier" and more bum, but that is a longer-term movement of fat. My hips sway more, although I can't say why. I am certain it's not a conscious thing, but that's about it.

I'm sure, of course, that a few readers here are going to be thinking I changed to look "pretty" or because "I like to wear frocks" or other reasons. Which, while it would have been hurtful to hear those words not that long ago, now I just find it funny. I never thought I would look pretty, although some people now tell me I am (and I'm willing to grant that I may be cute), so that's a non-starter. I could have worn dresses without transitioning. Actually, wearing dresses is something I had to be more or less convinced into wearing by cis people. I was surprised to find that dresses actually look better on me than jeans and T-shirts. They're also a lot cooler which is a big deal to me as my body often feels overheated.

But, here's the thing, I don't need to defend my wardrobe choices to anyone, any more than I need to defend my grooming choices, surgical choices, HRT choices, and anything else that affects my bodily appearance. Yes, I should be reflective about why I do things in a society that places so much emphasis on certain bodily disciplines for the two recognised genders, but ultimately I have to choose what I think will let me be safe in a violently transphobic society, what I feel comfortable with, and what I think expresses myself within the context of my culture. For instance, I think it's very inappropriate of butch women to declare that femme women are less feminist than them, are obviously too straight-identified even when the femme woman is often some form of queer, and that femmes need to stop identifying with disempowering feminity. Similarly, androgynous (or other non-gender-specific-expressing) women need to stop telling butch women to stop imitating men because it's showing a shame in being women, although obviously they shouldn't be too feminine. Femmes need to not consider themselves the only "true" feminine women. In case you're missing the subtle point, each type of gender-expressing women mentioned is defining "the proper way to be a woman" as her gender expression. There is no One True Way. Period.

I'm not going to tell you what your gender expression needs to be, because I likely don't know you or anything about you. I don't know what makes you feel comfortable. I don't know what you find makes you attractive to the people you're trying to attract (assuming you're trying to attract anyone). I don't know what you find properly communicates who you are to other people. Thus, my only advice to you is consider how you express your gender and then do so in a way appropriate to you. Be yourself. But think about who you are.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that there are likely some limits and influences on your gender expression. Available income can be a strong determinant of the kinds of things you have available as choices. Available time can make it difficult to be able to see what's out there that you might like. Region can also be a factor. For example, I noticed that in one queer pub I was in in Liverpool the butch women were the ones not wearing (so much) makeup and with their hair pulled back in bands. Which makes a certain amount of sense as the Scouse standard for women based on what I saw on the streets of Liverpool and in conversations with a Scouser woman seems to be what I'm used to thinking of as femme. So butch there seemed less butch than what I'm used to. For trans women we often have to have more markers of femininity than cis women to be gendered as women. Disability can at least sometimes result in different choices for gender expression. Race and class can certainly be factors as well.

The point is that we are individuals. Demands that we adhere to standards based on feminist arguments/ideals is ultimately no different than demands that we adhere to societal standards. They are not and should not be absolutes for all of us. At best they are things to consider, things to reflect about. But if I see one more feminist blog post discussing shaving as a feminist issue, I'm going to barf. Such posts inevitably end up with people expressing what choices they have made and often doing so in defensive ways. If there's a wider discussion to be had, no one is having it. Sure, knock yourself out on your personal blogs, but for heaven's sake we really do have other issues we should be discussing than yet again whether or not we remove hair from certain parts of our body. Think for yourself, perhaps consider what others say, and make your own decision.

Gender and Feminism Conflict?

2010-05-08T21:04:00.001-04:00

For once I'm going to kind of agree with those whacky transphobic feminists who claim they are radical feminists when they claim that feminism isn't about gender and that feminism is about sex. Okay, I'm not really going to agree with them, but I hope that got your attention. The point I am going to pick up on is the conflict that feminism seems to have with gender, which the transphobes do suggest.

Before I go further, it's perhaps helpful to give a quick idea of what I mean by "gender". Here I mean it as that which exists in the social sphere and is usually regarded as arising from physical sex and reveals itself in varying ways in the personal and social. Gender, as it relates to feminism, is the means by which women are defined as less than men in society, the means by which sexism operates. Feminism has pointed out how gender is a social construct and done lots of analysis to investigate the many ways in which gender operates upon men and women as well as working to try to deal with ending sexism. Gender has proved very fruitful for feminism.

The problem arises for feminism in that many, if not most, cis feminists seem to have decided that because they have learned so much about the way in which gender affects (cis) women and (cis) men that this means that feminism is the only, or at least the best, place that gender can be dealt with. This has resulted in cis feminists deciding that they know best how trans people should deal with the role of gender in our lives and prescribing and proscribing what we should do. It has almost always meant that they blame trans people for enforcing and upholding societal standards of gender while showing no awareness of their complicity in those standards (Hint: If you're telling trans people how to deal with gender, you're almost inevitably enforcing gender standards.), and, most egregiously, their drafting of trans people for the "end of gender"/gender revolution/whatever (On this last point, I would at the least suggest that revolutionaries who are drafted are not going to be committed to the revolution; just saying.). That is to say, feminism seems to flounder in gender when it tries to expound upon an understanding of gender beyond that based in cis men and cis women.

So, long post short, we see that cis feminists haven shown a limited understanding of gender. I'm almost willing to grant them expertise on gender and cis wo/men except they have often shown a lack of understanding that gender does not affect even all cis women the same way and have a nasty habit of totalitising their gender analysis based upon a certain type of cis white women in the developed world (ie, they're universalising their own experiences). Now I'm not going to suggest that trans people have any sort of lock on gender (That would be making the same mistake that cis feminists made.) but we certainly do have a variety of gender understandings that is not found among cis feminists. If cis feminists bother to listen they might learn something and might even gain new insights into the way in which gender works among cis people.

Body of Work: Introduction

2010-05-07T12:20:00.000-04:00

In reading what people, especially cis people, have written about trans people, especially transsexual people, I've been struck by the role the body is both front and centre and yet ignored, invisibilised, or erased. I mostly mean the trans body, but also the cis body. To me embodiment (by which I mean "being with a body") is an important part of trans, and cis, life and experience. So I'll soon be starting an indefinite series of posts about bodies, particularly my body (because I'm the one I know best). I suspect I might repeat what other people have said, but I'll see if I can't also be somewhat original and definitely personal when talking about my body. I hope it'll be useful to people besides me.

Kyriarchy Illustrated - A Border Crossing

2010-03-12T19:23:00.001-05:00

"Kyriarchy Illustrated" is an occasional series of posts where I talk about the effects of living in a kyriarchy via my personal experiences. See the first post in the series "A Dyke-Bashing in Liverpool" and find all of the posts so far by clicking on the "kyriarchy illustrated" link at the end of the post.

One of the more annoying things about being discriminated against is you can't always be absolutely sure you are being discriminated against let along be able to prove it to anyone else. For one thing, you're really most familiar with how people treat you and not so much other people, which makes it hard to compare treatment. For another thing, most people, contrary to the beliefs of many, don't call you names or otherwise make it very obvious when they are discriminating against you. They may even think they're being perfectly fair (eg, the US justice system and the racist treatment of convicted murderers). But, perhaps most importantly, many of us have not been told how to identify and deal with discrimination when it happens (eg, in the US, the focus is almost exclusively on not discriminating, not on dealing with discrimination when it inevitably occurs).

Thus, I had grown somewhat complacent crossing international borders as a trans woman. Yes, with my name, my appearance, and my sex/gender marker on official documents I was playing a trans version of "One of These Things Is Not Like the Other" from Sesame Street, but the routine of them all being considered as congruent by either inattentive or polite officials lulled me into a sense of normalcy. So, it wasn't until after I left my encounter with an immigrations official who found something wrong with every answer that I gave and flipped furiously through my passport, minutely examining every stamp within it before stamping my passport with a final insinuation that I was wholly unaware of immigration law (Au contraire!), that I reflected on just what had gone wrong with the encounter. Playing the encounter back in my head from the start, I realised that it was pretty much right at the time that the immigrations official would have found the answer to that Sesame Street song. This is why filling out forms and showing ID tend to be very stressful, even dangerous, for trans people. Because I'm sure that official could have refused me entry had zie chosen to do so. Sure, it might have been reversed at some point on appeal, but it might not have been and would have been even more stressful and humiliating plus possibly earning me a black mark as a "troublemaker". Instead, I left the encounter angry and feeling humiliated, knowing that the official acted within hir remit but in a way not in keeping with treating me as I treated hir.

Of course I can't prove any of what I relate above. Unless the official noted something in the record of my crossing, it's merely my word against hirs and besides I'm in the country so what am I complaining about anyway? But that's what I think the nature of a lot of discrimination in a kyriarchy is about, the kind that you can't prove happened but yet others like you talk about as happening to them and identify it as discrimation as well. The patronising attitude, the assumption that you are stupid or ignorant, the seeming to pick you out to be belittled. Those don't strike me as uncommon experiences for those who have experienced discrimination. The sort of discrimination I experienced is not the kind the law can touch, not the kind the law can remedy all by itself, not even the kind HR policies can eradicate. Which I think it's why it's the most pernicious form.

So, I'm left angry, upset, and yet with nothing to officially complain about and no way to assure that it won't happen again and with a good chance of being faced with the same official in the future (in case you wondered why I have given no distinguishing characteristics). This is what I get for daring to cross borders having dared to crossed a social border.

[Perhaps the most annoying thing about relating this is going to be the people who decide that I'm showing some sort of "male privilege" at thinking I don't deserve to be discriminated against (which is pretty hypocritical when they're arguing against discrimination against themselves and others they see as like them), that I'm engaging in the "Oppression Olympics" (except I'm not directly comparing my discrimination to anyone else's, let alone suggesting it's worse), sweep it aside as some sort of general problem that occurs to the "gender non-normative" (except my gender is pretty normative and my gender presentation/expression is much like my peers or, perhaps worse, my mother. ;) Hi, Mom!), or otherwise excuse this away. But then I'm not really writing for those people, and I suppose I shouldn't let other people's hypocrisy, lies, and deliberate misunderstandings bother me. But I like teaching so it really irritates me to have people refuse to learn when all they have to do is listen or read.]

The Transphobe Who Can Ruin Your Day

2009-12-04T18:30:00.005-05:00

Just when I was hoping that Julie Bindel had moved on from being actively transphobic, she's appeared in an, at-best, centre-right magazine called Standpoint (What the heck is a feminist, especially a self-proclaimed radical lesbian feminist, doing cosying up with the right?) with an article entitled "The Operation That Can Ruin Your Life". Three guesses as to what operation she's referring to and the first two don't count. I hate being a puppet dancing to strings being pulled by Ms Bindel, but I also can't let this sort of hate pass by uncommented. I'll mostly be snarking, so fair warning. I'm skipping large parts of the article because a full fisk would be interminably long. It's also worth noting that in many ways this article is sort of her "greatest hits" on trans stuff in that she's stitched together material from previous articles she's written. She even includes the quote about trans people and Grease that she later apologised for, showing just how insincere she can be when apologising. That said, let's get to her article.

Almost immediately one has to wonder what world Ms Bindel lives in. Referring to last year's Stonewall awards she says that "I, along with a police escort, walked past a huge demonstration of transsexuals and their supporters, shouting 'Bindel the Bigot'." This should concern everyone. In that I mean it should concern everyone that a protest of about 150 people is a huge demonstration in Bindel's eyes, that she remembers a chant that was not chanted, and that she also remembers having a police escort while others don't. Of course since she also refers to the demonstrators as a "powerful lobby" who have been "hounding [her] for "five years", the real point here is to establish that: a) trans people are possibly dangerous, b) there are a lot of trans people, c) trans people are not activists trying to assert their rights (as feminists might be described) but are like industry lobbyists, and d) trans people are personally out to get her. Notice how this is reinforced at the end of the same paragraph: "I now find that a number of organisations are too frightened to ask me to speak at public events for fear of protests by transsexual lobbyists." Trans people are boogeypeople that scare people away from Bindel with their lobbying, ehr, protests.

"Feminists tend to be critical of traditional gender roles because they benefit men and oppress women." Yes, yes, we do. I couldn't agree with you more, Ms Bindel. Glad we could find common ground. Of course, then she completely rips that ground away by immediately following up by saying that "[t]ranssexualism, by its nature, promotes the idea that it is 'natural' for boys to play with guns and girls to play with Barbie dolls." By talking about the "nature" of transsexualism (as though it somehow exists independent of actual transsexual people) and what is "natural", Bindel is trying to hit us over the head with the usual "You naive fools, you don't understand it's all socially constructed!" thing. Just in case we were unclear on that she goes further with: "The idea that gender roles are biologically determined rather than socially constructed is the antithesis of feminism." Again, I couldn't agree with her more since I am a feminist. Gender roles are socially constructed. How could they not be? Of course the problem is that as a feminist and a transsexual woman, I see a difference between gender identity, gender expression, and gender roles. For Bindel, like other radical feminists, gender identity, if it even exists, is the result of the imposition of gender roles as is gender expression.

Now, tell us how transsexual people came to be, Julie! "Gender dysphoria (GD) was invented in the 1950s by reactionary male psychiatrists in an era when men were men and women were doormats." Get that? Transsexual people did not exist prior to the invention of the psychiatric definition of gender dysphoria. Just like lesbians did not exist prior to Krafft-Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis in 1886. Gender dysphoria was also invented by reactionaries making transsexualism reactionary as well and unable to be changed by transsexual people from those roots. Just like feminism can never change from its roots as a movement only concerned with the rights of some women. Hmm, maybe she does have a point there, after all. It's also vital that we remember that the psychiatrists were male because this also makes transsexuality, and thus transsexual people, forever the handmaiden of patriarchy, eternally opposed to feminism. No transsexual person can really be a feminist (I'm a sparkly pink unicorn with a false consciousness).

"[Gender dysphoria] is a term used to describe someone who feels strongly that they should belong to the opposite sex and that they were born in the wrong body." Yes, it does describe people who think that. Of course, it also no longer exists as a diagnosis anymore, having been replaced quite some time ago by "gender identity disorder". But if Bindel used the current term she couldn't as easily ignore the difference between gender roles and gender identity. Also, a number of transsexual people disagree with the whole "born in the wrong body" thing. My body is not the wrong body, it's my body. What other body would I have been born in? Also, I don't believe I should belong to the "opposite sex" as this implies that there are only two sexes, that these are natural and not somehow socially constructed, and that intersex people do not exist (or exist only as "mistakes" of one of the two sexes). I do claim that I have issues with my body, but I have a hard time being able to articulate these issues in a way that is comprehensible to cissexual people, as it can not reach them unfiltered by societal and personal prejudices.

"[Gender dysphoria] has no proven genetic or physiological basis." And your point is? Neither does sexual orientation or bipolar disorder (Thank you, Arwyn!). Does this mean that lesbianism doesn't exist? Wait, I forgot, Bindel is a political lesbian who appropriated a lesbian identity as a result of her politics. Actually, I suspect that Bindel's point is that this means transsexuality must be a mental (read: "not real") illness with all the bad connotations that being "crazy" carries with it.

"But no oppressed group ever insisted its emotional distress was the sole basis for the establishment of a right. Indeed, transsexuals, along with those seeking IVF and cosmetic surgery, are using the NHS for the pursuit of happiness not health." Bindel makes a complete disability fail here. People with mood disorders? They need to stop being treated by the NHS, because they're only pursuing happiness not health. Women who've been emotionally abused? Not a health issue, because they're just pursuing happiness not health. I could go on, but I think I've made the point. The idea that happiness is somehow independent of health is a privileged notion, expressed by those for whom happiness is not a health issue. Honestly, I don't think transsexual people would be all that emotionally distressed if we didn't have to deal with a world where Bindel's views are the norm. The emotional distress arises mainly from the rejection of our autonomy, the insistence that we are bad, that we are wrong, that we are the symptom/cause of societal problems, that we are to blame for the prejudices of others. Speaking of autonomy, I base the establishment of a right to treatment not on emotional distress but on bodily autonomy, the same basis for the right to choose whether to carry a pregnancy to term or not. My body, my choice. But, of course, Bindel wants to portray transsexual people as emotionally disturbed, vain, and unnatural (don't think I missed the comparison to IVF and cosmetic surgery) just the same as has been done to women seeking the vote and queer people seeking the right to live openly.

Speaking of treatment, can you tell us about it, Julie? "Treatment is brutal and the results far from perfect." Wow, brutal. Why exactly is it brutal? Is it because it sometimes involves surgery? Do they not use anaesthetic? Or, is Julie just using inflammatory language? I'm glad that Julie is there protecting transsexual people from the mistaken belief that we can evaluate for ourselves if surgical results are acceptable enough for us for those contemplating surgery. But, no, surgery must be perfect. BTW, what exactly does perfect mean and who decides what is perfect (if not Julie, since I'm sure she can't be called in for a consult for everyone considering surgery)? We already ruled out transsexual people. Maybe we should have a poll on the Daily Mail's website? Also, I would say that hormone replacement therapy, which Bindel significantly fails to mention at all for transsexual women, is neither brutal nor far from perfect. It hasn't hurt a bit and I'm fairly happy with my breasts (though not as happy as my fiancée is; ahem). Bindel's preoccupation with surgery is typical of cissexual fixation on "the surgery" (which usually only means surgery for trans women) as though it were the defining event in all transsexual people's existences (I'm certain she wouldn't bring up the removal of facial hair for transsexual women at all if she couldn't characterise it as painful). She willfully ignores the fact that not all transsexual people undergo any surgery, since some never desire surgery, some decide that the results aren't acceptable for them, and some don't like the pain that any surgery involves (I was personally less-than-thrilled with the pain of recovering from my emergency appendectomy).

Since Bindel has made clear she is totally not transphobic, she'd never misgender someone, a transphobic act. So this never appears anywhere in the article: "In other words, a pre-operative man could apply for a job in a women — only rape counselling service and, if refused on grounds of his sex, could take the employer to court on the grounds that 'he' is legally a 'she'." Nope, that does not appear in the article at all. Again, note the preoccupation with "the surgery". After all, we all know that one of the requirements for counselling is that the counsellor expose her genitals to the person being counselled. Oh, hang on, no, it's not. And, it's not like such a trans woman would know anything about being raped because she might have been raped. Oh, hang on again, a trans woman might well know. So we're left with the simple transphobic assertion that trans women aren't women. Because "woman" is socially constructed and absolutely based on the determination made about the woman's genitals at birth. It's socially constructed on biological essentialism. As we've already seen above, physical sex can not be socially constructed. Pull the other one, it's got bells on.

Now we get to where Bindel clearly misrepresents a quote while failing to properly attribute it. She introduces it with "A definition of transsexualism used by a number of transsexual rights organisations reads:" which is then followed by a paragraph which I will reproduce in a moment. I tracked down where the paragraph of quote came from since I'm always suspicious of direct quotes loosely attributed to unidentified organisations. It turns out she copied it from Beyond the Binary: A Tool Kit for Gender Identity Activism in Schools which was put out in 2004 by the Gay-Straight Alliance Network, the Transgender Law Center, and the National Center for Lesbian Rights (notice how only one of those is specifically a trans rights organisation and it's not exclusively for transsexual rights). The paragraph Bindel quotes in her article comes from a section at the beginning entitled "What is Gender?". Bindel quotes the paragraph thusly:

Students who are gender non-conforming are those whose gender expression (or outward appearance) does not follow traditional gender roles: "feminine boys," "masculine girls" and students who are androgynous, for example. It can also include students who look the way boys and girls are expected to look but participate in activities that are gender nonconforming, like a boy who does ballet. The term "transgender youth" can be used as an umbrella term for all students whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth and/or whose gender expression is non-stereotypical.

She then uses it to say that "According to this definition, a girl who plays football is trans-sexual." Harharhar. Only Bindel is being intellectually dishonest. She doesn't quote the whole paragraph which continues on to say:

Some transgender students transition or change from one gender to another. Transition often means changing the way you dress, selecting a new name, and sometimes getting help from a doctor to change your body.

But, wait, I thought this was a definition of transsexualism? Why would they say that some transgender students transition since that's what transsexualism involves? It's simple. This is not a definition of transsexualism, it's an explanation of gender non-conformity and transgender (including transsexuality). In a nifty sleight of hand, Bindel uses the explanation of gender non-conformity as though it's explaining transsexualism. Which lets her make her snarky little comment, which isn't even that original (WARNING: link to trans hate site). Of course, last I checked, football (that's soccer to North American-types) is played by girls and women. World Cup? Olympics? Is any of this ringing any bells? Maybe Julie could catch a match at the London Olympics in 2012? Heck even when I was a child (centuries ago) girls played to a remarkable lack of comment. Anyway, moving on from the fact that Ms Bindel seems to be completely clueless about girls' participation in sports, there's the far more important issue that she feels that twisting, warping, misrepresenting... Heck, let's be honest. The far more important issue is that she lies. This was not simply misunderstanding. She went to some effort to twist what was said to be able to use it to imply that transsexualism causes transsexual people to mistake one thing, lack of conformance to norms of gender expressions, for another, having a gender identity that conflicts with one's body. We have a false consciousness. Except, of course, we don't. But Bindel is hardly one to let reality stop her from getting her way.

Of course Julia next trots out Claudia, the same woman who she's been using as an example of how damaging transsexual treatment is since 2003. However, the problem with using Claudia as an example of trans regret is how Claudia ended up transitioning. I'm not going to go into it here, but looking at the article Bindel originally wrote about Claudia in the Guardian, the facts are more complex than "Here's a trans woman who regretted her surgery." In fact, Claudia's case reminds me of the sorts of situations whereby lesbians and gay men can end up married to someone of the "opposite" sex and with children before they come out.

Skipping a bit, Bindel again lays down the unalterable facts of biology for us. "Medical science cannot turn a biological male into a biological female — it can only alter the appearance of body parts. A trans-sexual 'woman' will always be a biological male." I could go into how even the most ardent of transphobes, Janice G Raymond, acknowledged that what defined male and female in a biological sense was a combination of chromosones, types of gonads, primary and secondary sexual characteristics, hormone levels, and so on (although she, like Germaine Greer and others ultimately fetishises chromosomes) and the fact that we've already covered the erasure of intersex people, but I'd rather just say, "So what?" Even if we grant what she says is true, that there is some sort of absolute, non-arbitrary measure of biological sex, what does biological sex have to do with social gender? By using the case of a trans woman rapist, Bindel implies rape is only by penis and no penis means no rape. This erases the fact that some FAAB people rape (even though English law does not classify it as such) and shifts the blame from people to body parts. More insultingly, it erases the fact that trans people are far more likely to be victims of rape (eg, when trans women are placed in men's prisons) than perpetrators.

Next, we move back to the "trans people are big meanies" line of argument with which Bindel started this article. "There is a handful of radicals in the world today who have dared to challenge the diagnosis of transsexualism." I agree. That's why there have been so few people at things like protests of the APA's lack of reform of the diagnosis in the DSM. But, of course, what Bindel really means by challenging the diagnosis, as she has already made clear above, is challenging the rights to autonomy of trans people. Because if she was only challenging the diagnosis she would find that a lot of trans people would join her in doing so. I would. But in demanding that we submit to her ideas of what we should do with our bodies, she is not radical, nor is she challenging a diagnosis. She then goes on with examples of what big meanies trans people are and frankly I'm bored with that sort of thing and won't address them (beyond saying that I do not endorse wishing a painful death or harm on anyone).

Now we come to the conclusion, where Julie shows her true opinion of trans people: we don't deserve to exist. Or, as she puts it: "In a world where equality between men and women was reality, transsexualism would not exist." To her, we're a symptom of social inequality between the sexes. We lie when we talk about who we are not having to do with that (and, in fact, making it harder for getting people to understand who are because people assume it has to do with the fact that men are treated one way and women are treated another). She has decided what the truth is, and we're not going to change her mind even if she has to lie to herself and others to insure that she doesn't. Speaking of which: "Sex-change surgery is unnecessary mutilation." She has not proven this because she can't prove this even as she can't prove trans people won't exist in a world of gender equality. She can only assert it and ignore what trans people say about the matter, because, to her, we lack the knowledge of our own lives, our own bodies, society and so on to choose for ourselves. We need her paternalistic concern, her protecting us from ourselves, to replace the paternalism of the current gatekeepers of psychiatrists and others.

Finally, there's this: "Using human rights laws to normalise trans-sexualism has resulted in a backward step in the feminist campaign for gender equality." I keep seeing this assertion made by Bindel and others. I'll be frank. I don't see this. When people assert this they never point to examples of how this is happening that don't involve the assumption that the advancement of trans rights is a defeat for gender equality, something I don't buy at all. Only if one subscribes to the twisted fable of transsexuality that Bindel pretends is a reality does this make sense. The reality where I transitioned to wear pretty dresses and make up and am demure when I stay at home and cook for a man. The reality of a fantasy world. Here in the real world, I wear jeans and t-shirts, no makeup, am not demure at all, am a university student, and am working on learning to cook for a woman. Oh, yes, and I try to work towards actual gender equality.

Still, I'm sure all of this won't change Julie Bindel's views. She lives in that elaborate constructed fantasy where there's a theory that explains why I'm trans (just like the psychiatrists have theories) and anything I have to say has no bearing on it. Instead, I write this to point out that in pushing this malarky, Bindel argues not for a world of equality but for a world where she gets hers and others pay the price for it. Her words also support treating trans people as incapable, incompetent, as less than others, as deserving the treatment we get. In other words, she may not directly encourage harm to us, but she certainly gives intellectual cover to those who do.

International Transgender Day of Remembrance 2009

2009-11-20T01:42:00.007-05:00

Today marks the 11th International Transgender Day of Remembrance (aka TDOR). Today, we remember the people who have been killed because of the hatred that exists towards transgender people. Gwendolyn Ann Smith, who founded the Remembering Our Dead website, puts it best, I think:

The Transgender Day of Remembrance serves several purposes. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgendered people, an action that current media doesn’t perform. Day of Remembrance publicly mourns and honors the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. Through the vigil, we express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. Day of Remembrance reminds non-transgendered people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers. Day of Remembrance gives our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who’ve died by anti-transgender violence.

I think it's very important to note that almost all of those who are killed are poorer trans women of colour. Because we live in not just a transphobic world, but a misogynistic and racist one as well. Oppressions do intersect. I am likely to be protected from murder by several of the privileges I possess. Which means that I have a responsibility to make sure that I don't make this day all about myself or the trans women most like me.

Because of the nearness of the US Thanksgiving holiday to Transgender Day of Remembrance, I will be travelling today. Fortunately for me, the nearest observance to me will take place on Sunday in Manchester (UK, not New Hampshire) so I'll still be able to attend a remembrance. I'll be able to stand with others and make sure that the dead are remembered and celebrated. Nonetheless, even with the stresses of travelling, I will be keeping my thoughts on those who are no longer with us because of the hatred in this world.

I'm sorry to make this a brief blog post, but I do need to deal with the aforementioned travelling. Anyway, do two things today. First, check the TDOR website for an observance near you and go to it. Second, I recommend reading the following blog posts on TDOR (not all of which are from this year) and which I will keep updating at least until I have to pack my laptop:

"the drowned and the saved" by queenemily at Questioning Transphobia
"11th International Transgender Day of Remembrance" by Helen at Bird of Paradox
"International Transgender Day of Remembrance" by kaninchenzero at FWD/Forward
"Day of Remembrance" by goodbuytjane
"Not Forgotten." by Dori at A Truly Elegant Mess
"Transgender Day of Remembrance, and an appeal to fellow Mummy bloggers" by Ruth Moss at Look Left of the Pleaides (Highly Recommended) (not because she's my fiancée but because it's on what cis people need to do)
"International Transgender Day of Remembrance" by Arwyn at Raising My Boychick
"TDOR 2009" by Chally at Zero at the Bone
"how to mourn" by queenemily at Questioning Transphobia (Highly Recommended)

Wider Boycott for Feministing - Disability Failures

2009-11-15T13:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, I realise y'all are going to think I'm obsessed with Feministing. I'm not, honestly. But, they are a major feminist site (to the extent a classmate emailed our my class one of the comment-failtastic threads on stealth trans women having sex when I was co-teaching the class lectures about transsexuality), so it's not like they can be ignored. They provide a community and resource for feminists online, especially younger feminists in the US. So, as a feminist, I can't ignore them. That said, let's move on to what I'm on about this time, because it's not just a repetition of how they hurt trans people, especially trans women.

Quixotess has posted asking people to please boycott Feministing because of their bad faith in engaging with feminists who attempted to get Feministing to stop failing on disability issues (I know, it's shocking that they fail on more than just trans issues). This is important for me because of something I've never mentioned here: I'm a person with disabilities (PWD). Feministing's failing on disability directly affects me, insuring that I'm doubly marginalised there. But, even more importantly, it highlights how Feministing is unwilling to change their behaviour when the harm they are causing is pointed out to them and how they are willing to give lip service to change without actual change. It is one thing to be unaware of one's privilege, another thing to have trouble dealing with it once one's privilege is pointed out, but it's altogether a different kettle of fish to claim you're going to work on changing your hurtful behaviour and then continue as though you never said anything. I detest hypocrisy and Feministing, especially in the person of Courtney Martin, is swimming in hypocrisy (read Quixotess' linked post for details).

As part of the effort to let people know of Feministing's problems, I am also linking to meloukhia's open letter to Feministing, which started the attempted engagement of Feministing on disability issues in the first place, in the hope this will help raise it on the Google results page. Unlikely, I know, but it's better than doing nothing. It also provides a good history of the effort.

If you're not already boycotting Feministing for their trans failures, then I hope the realisation that this is neither an isolated problem nor that they are people of good intent who just have problems understanding is enough to join the boycott.

(h/t to Questioning Transphobia)

Feministing Boycott? Still On For a Reason

2009-11-05T11:01:00.001-05:00

If you look at the column on the right, you will see there's a linked badge about boycotting Feministe and Feministing. No, I've not forgotten to take it down. The boycott remains. I can't say what good it is doing, but I certainly am not going to devote my energy to Feministing where the commenters make it downright hostile to trans people without fear of moderation. Check out the transphobic comments to this post about how having sex with cis people while in stealth is not sexual assault if you don't believe me.

Hopefully tonight I will finish up what is turning into an epic post snarking Julie Bindel's latest transphobic blatherings.

London trans activists call for boycott of sham demo on October 17th

2009-10-11T18:13:00.001-04:00

I am passing on the following letter. Please feel free to copy and repost it.

London trans activists call for boycott of sham demo on October 17th

We are a group of trans activists who wish to make known our concerns about a demo, claiming to support the depathologisation of trans people, in London on 17th of October. The facebook group for the demo can be found here:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=147494409183

The description of the event reads:

"Being transgendered is not a mental illness. We are simply part of the diversity of humanity. Gender Identity Disorder is therefore not a valid diagnosis. Homosexuality we removed as a mental health diagnosis diagnosis in 1987. For us to achieve true liberation and recognition we need to throw off this unjust stigma. We are not ill, just different"

A large number of people were invited by the demo organiser, a non-trans man by the name of Dennis Hambridge, and some of us were initially concerned by the rationale for the demo. In particular, we were worried that campaigning for the removal of Gender Identity Disorder as a medical diagnosis without proposing an alternative mechanism by which transsexual people would be able to access medical transition resources was premature and dangerous, especially in a climate where NHS primary care trusts need only a minimal excuse to deny funding for our hormonal and surgical procedures. We do not support the labelling of our gender identities as disordered, and realise that our relationship with the medical community is far from ideal, but do not wish to support a movement which may give the impression that we seek complete divorce from the medical community.

These concerns were put to the Facebook group by a number of trans activists. Rather than address them, Mr Hambridge entrenched his position, making claims that gender dysphoria was an artefact of society and the medical community, and that removal of any form of classification of gender dysphoria by the WHO was "non-negotiable".

In moves more reminiscent of the actions of transphobic radical feminists than supposed allies of trans people, Mr Hambridge started deleting some of the comments from those trans people who were concerned about our future access to hormones and surgery. Subsequently he banned a number of those trans people from the group, silencing them in that space.

To reiterate - Mr Hambridge, who is organising a demo which is allegedly supporting the rights of transsexual people is using his position as a group organiser to silence and shut out the voices of the very people he claims to support.

In light of Mr Hambridge's intransigence and refusal to listen to the voices of actual transsexual people, we are calling on all activists who support the concept of transsexual people having a say in our own medical care to boycott this demo. We further call on Mr Hambridge, who is not trans himself, to stop claiming to speak on our behalf when he is ignoring our protestations and silencing our voices, and to call off his demo.

Please spread this open letter widely.

I'd like to add some personal commentary on this. As some of you know, I will be moving to the UK after I graduate university. Thus, this issue matters quite a lot to me. I'm already concerned about the fact that treatment in the UK is more gatekeeper-oriented than in the US because of the fact that the National Health Service (NHS) is an organised, unified health system unlike the situation in the US which is at best a mash of health systems. Thus, I am able to get my hormone treatment through my GP here while I would most likely need to see a gender specialist in the UK (which means I might even have to be rediagnosed, with a possible interruption of treatment). As the letter says, without a diagnosis in place, I would not be able to continue treatment at all. I would have to see about obtaining hormones illicitly, which I would like to avoid because of concerns about quality and lack of health monitoring, not to mention the legal issues. That's my stake in the matter. I wish I could do more than simply repost this letter, but that's all I can do for now. Please do as the letter asks and spread this widely, especially if you are in the UK.

Update: I have been informed that because of the cancellation of the protest, the counter-protest has been called off as well. Apparently, members of Dennis Hambridge's STP facebook group received the following message:

After due reconsideration and-> most valued advice from Transpersons, Intersexual persons or those who work in conjuntion with them, in majority<-it as been agreed and/or decided to cancel the above rally for this years STP 2012 campaign.

If you reposted this letter, please pass along this information.

I'm Coming Out More

2009-10-02T23:16:00.000-04:00

In my previous post, "I'm (Mostly Not) Coming Out", I talked about my exception to not coming out as a trans woman at university this semester. Since then I've talked to my professor and added another exception. So, here's a follow-up on my meeting with my professor and what the new exception is.

As a quick refresher, I'm taking a Women's Studies course entitled "Gender & Technology" which covers transsexuality as a "technology of the body". I was concerned given feminism's problems with transphobia, problems with other students when this was covered in the Intro course I took, and the presence of Bernice Hausman, former head of Women's Studies and still an affiliate professor of the programme. So I decided to talk to my professor about this and to consider coming out to the class when we cover transsexuality based on how that talk went.

I was nervous about meeting with my professor, but also somewhat hopeful given a statement on the syllabus about confidentiality and having an open and trusting classroom environment. My meeting opened with my professor saying that she was primarily concerned about my comfort in the course and that she would under no circumstances out me. Things only got better from there. At the end of a lengthy, pleasant conversation, I left with the slides she'd prepared for the transsexuality lecture so that I could make corrections, additions, and subtractions as needed and with the agreement that we will meet again in a couple weeks to further discuss the slides and how we're going to teach the material. Yes, I'm co-teaching the session on transsexuality. I believe this is called a win. Except now I need to find non-pathologising material to introduce undergraduates to transsexual technologies, preferably written by trans people. I would be extremely grateful for leads and suggestions from any of you.

Buoyed by my success with my professor, I decided that I would participate in the monologues performance that we're having at the university as part of National Coming Out Day. I realised that "I'm (Mostly Not) Coming Out" was a good basis for a monologue. I've replaced the section on making an exception for my "Gender & Technology" course with a section talking about how being known as trans can be a bad thing. I'm still working on it, but hope to finish it before it's time to perform it. And, while it was an option to have a volunteer perform it for me, I decided I'd prefer to personally perform it. Which makes it an ironic performance and thus appealing to my sense of humour. Talking about not coming out on National Coming Out Day? And, outing myself as trans by doing so? How could I resist?

So, I'll be coming out more than I thought. How much depends on attendance at the performance and how much attendees talk afterwards to others, I suppose. I might be fooling myself in believing that I can be strategically out. I'm not sure. I do know that I think that educating cis people about trans people is important enough to do this anyway. I'm relatively privileged and in a much safer place that many other trans people, and if I can't leverage that privilege and safety to help those who are more vulnerable, then why have them? Yes, there's the risk of being de/misgendered by some people. But I think it's a minor one, especially compared to the need. Only time will tell if I'm making the right decisions and if I actually accomplish anything.

I'm (Mostly Not) Coming Out

2009-09-24T21:30:00.007-04:00

I started attending university again right after I began transitioning. Since I had not yet changed my name legally I came out to all my professors before the first class session so that they would call me by my proper name, not my legal one. I didn't explain much, just that I was transgender and to please call me Lucy. Oddly(?), no one asked me any questions except for my Intro to Women's Studies instructor which led to many long conversations in which she revised her opinion of transgender since she'd only had theory prior to then; theory which did not survive contact with an actual trans woman who refused to let others define her life with their theories. It wasn't only a one-way exchange since I was still struggling to come to terms with my transition and place in society as a trans woman.

Now I'm back in courses for a new year, having been in transition, including HRT, for two years and with my name legally changed. Hormones have reshaped my body and I've grown more comfortable with being a woman. Because the university has the right name on everyone's class rolls, there was no burning need to meeting with my professors prior to classes beginning. I figured I'd just talk to them during their regular office hours. It took me a while before I noticed that I was getting properly gendered by everyone in my classes, students and professors, even with my height and lower voice. I've met with all my professors now and passed up the opportunity to come out as a trans woman. There seems to be little point. Why should my geology professor even care? He unhesitatingly calls me "ma'am" (He's charmingly polite.) whenever I interact with him which is really all I care about.

So, I'm not coming out as transgender in my classes. With one large exception, which I'll get to in a moment. Because, honestly, cissexism means that there's a fair chance that if I do come out I will no longer be regarded and treated as a woman. Sadly, many cis (and even some trans) people regard trans people as not being "really" whatever gender they are. Polite ones may humour us by using proper pronouns and forms of address without actually accepting us. Frankly, I don't have the energy to fight against that sort of thing. I need to get good grades to get into graduate school and having to devote energy to educating someone would hinder that. Except...

Except that I'm taking a Women's Studies course this semester entitled "Gender & Technology." I'm sure everyone can see where this is going. One of the topics we will be covering is technologies of the body and the syllabus specifically mentions intersexuality, transsexuality, and cosmetic surgery. Which is perfectly reasonable. However, feminism has a bad history with regards to transsexuality (and intersexuality, for that matter) as it has spent far more time criticising and theorising about transsexuality and transsexuals than actually listening to us. Considering one of the criticisms levelled against transsexuality is that the body modifications that transsexuals often undergo are a form of self-mutilation like cosmetic surgery (which you'll notice is being discussed in this same topic), you can begin to see why I might be concerned. More to the point, even with a supportive instructor in my Intro to Women's Studies course, I had to actually yell at the other students in my class for being shitheads when this topic came up, outing myself to the class in the process. Also playing a role is the fact that Dr Bernice Hausman is a tenured professor here, affiliated with the Women's and Gender Studies Program. Some may know her as the author of the book, Changing Sex: Transsexualism, Technology, and the Idea of Gender, which has been criticised perhaps most famously by Julia Serano in Whipping Girl as well as appearing prominently as an example of what not to do in a guide for cis people writing about trans people. She headed the (then) Women's Studies Program from 2003-2005, which is coincidentally the last year she seems to have written anything about trans people (She now seems to have moved on to breastfeeding based on her CV). Her acceptance here does not lead to great confidence about this being a supportive academic environment for trans people.

So, I am going to come out to my Gender & Technology professor and inquire just what and how she intends to present transsexuality to the class. And, depending on how that goes, I'll be coming out in the class discussion as well. Because I really can't see how I'd be able to avoid it and stay true to myself and other trans people. While it is not my responsibility to educate others, I'm not going to duck doing so. I'm sure there will be those who will see me as lesser afterwards, but hopefully more will be open to learning. I'll let you know how it goes.

Happy Celebrate Bisexuality Day!

2009-09-23T03:03:00.002-04:00

Yes, 23 September is Celebrate Bisexuality Day. It's the day for bisexual, pansexual, those of fluid sexuality, and their friends, family, and supporters to celebrate bisexuality, bisexual history, bisexual community and culture, and bi/pansexual people themselves. While I'm not bisexual I have been very fortunate to be loved and befriended by bisexual people (For instance: Hi, Ruth! Hi, Arwyn!) both online and in my day-to-day life. Let the bisexual people you love know that you love them, accept them, and support them today.

Sex work and sexuality group blog

2009-08-24T20:08:00.002-04:00

Via Caroline at Loserdust (Original post here):

I am in the midst of setting up a group blog for sex workers and allies about, as the title of this post suggests, sex work and sexuality.

I'd like for it to be concerned mainly with the UK and Europe, though I do want to include US bloggers and issues.

I think this has a hell of a lot of potential. Blogging is a fantastic way of getting the message out to people and so often the US dominates discourse, so having a blog to really push the UK and Europe forward will be a very big thing. And I want this to work.

What I need - some folks from the UK and Europe. So, if you are a sex worker or ally from the UK / Europe and you'd like to participate in this, whether you'd like to be a regular contributer, post sporadically or just want to be in on the ride, give me a shout: shepherd[dot]cc[at]gmail[dot]com. I've already got one or two very groovy people, so you'll be in awesome company :)

Kyriarchy Illustrated: A Dyke-Bashing in Liverpool

2009-08-08T23:50:00.009-04:00

"Kyriarchy Illustrated" is an occasional series of posts where I talk about the effects of living in a kyriarchy via my personal experiences. Find all of the posts so far by clicking on the "kyriarchy illustrated" link at the end of the post.

As a feminist I subscribe to the idea that the oppression of women is not best described by the term patriarchy, or "rule of the fathers", but by kyriarchy. As Arwyn defines it:

“[K]yriarchy” emphasizes that it is the very concept of “master” that rules us; it is the act of creating hierarchies on which we are all placed “higher” or “lower” that oppresses and damages us.

How these hierarchies of oppression intersect is different for everyone as a personal experience illustrates.

When I was in the UK last month, my fiancée (OHAI Ruth) and I went to Liverpool a couple times. The second time we went, we went sightseeing down at the docks and then headed over to visit a gay pub (instead of one of the many gay bars on the same street). As we headed to the pub, from behind us some bloke shouted, "Fucking dykes!". This was the first time I've been bashed for being a dyke and my reactions surprised me.

One of my reactions was pleasure at being correctly gendered as a woman. As a trans woman, I'm used to getting misgendered of course. And, I'm also happy when I get gendered correctly. Even so, I was shocked that even as I was irate at being bashed just for walking down the street being affectionate with the woman I love I was thankful for being affirmed as a woman. Such is the life of being trans in a cis world where one takes validation where one can get it. (A friend of mine pointed out that this happens reaction is also shown in the movie "Better Than Chocolate" where a trans woman replies "Oh thank you!" when hit with the same shout from skinheads)

A simulataneous reaction with the above was that I wanted to shout back, "Actually, only I'm a dyke. She's bi.". Because, while we may be involved in a lesbian relationship, Ruth is definitely bisexual. But, as usual, sexuality is attributed based upon one's current partner and the idea that one can be attracted to more than one gender is not even considered.

Additionally, Ruth told me when I asked her about this incident that she was just happy she wasn't being fat-bashed as she had been earlier in the evening (Yes, the assholes were out in force in Liverpool that evening). It was better for her to be attacked for her sexuality than attacked for her appearance.

So there you have it. Two people are bashed and their reactions to it differ based upon the differing oppressions they experience under kyriarchy. This is why I think any feminism that is to serve all women has to deal with the situations each woman finds herself in.

Help a Trans Sister Out

2009-06-06T02:08:00.003-04:00

My friend Voz needs some help. Quoting her entry:

As many of you know, my partner and I are losing our home and most of our belongings tomorrow to foreclosure.
Tho it pains me to do so, I am asking for donations to start our new life, and help build our new subsistence farm and eco homestead. We'll dedicate a sapling to you or something, and welcome visitors.
There is a tax penalty on the land we bought of $2700.00 that must be paid before we can build. If u can't send money, send your leftover seed packets from your garden.
If you can, send something to:
Alyssa and Crystal C.
PO Box 231
Richmond, ME 04357
Or to my PayPal, if you actually have money.
espacio.translatina@gmail.com
Thanks in advance
-voz

Music Meme

2009-05-01T11:36:00.002-04:00

I'd actually been avoiding the blogger meme thing, but then dear Ms Moss requested that I do them. I am unable to refuse her, so I present you with the music meme post. The following results obtained with my iPod, purchased for purely academic reasons (yeah, right).

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?

Break On Through - The Doors

Will I have a happy life?

Eine Kleine Nacktmusik - Mozart

What do my friends really think of me?

Metropolis - The Church

How can I be happy?

Finest Worksong (Mutual Drum Horn Mix) - R.E.M.

What should I do with my life?

It's a Sin - Pet Shop Boys

Will I ever have children?

The Offer - Wire

What is some good advice for me?

Waterfall '96 - Various Artists

How will I be remembered?

The Bad Touch (Eiffel65 Remix) - Bloodhound Gang

What is my signature dancing song?

Get Up and Jump - Red Hot Chili Peppers

What do I think my current theme song is?

This Ay Nicht - Mediaeval Baebes

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

Moments in Love (ComputerBlue remix) - The Art of Noise

What song will play at my funeral?

Allison - Elvis Costello

What type of men/women do you like?

Like A Virgin - Madonna

What is my day going to be like?

The Thin Line - Queensryche

It's like they're in my head! And, no, I really do not prefer virgins, though it is kind of funny that that would come up.

BTW, you can find my dear Ms Moss' results for this here.

It's Always About the Cis Women

2009-04-06T14:35:00.007-04:00

Not all women's issues affect all women equally, or even, sometimes, at all. Issues can vary by class, race, sexuality, and so on. But feminism has recognised that just because an issue may only affect a small number of women it nonetheless is a feminist issue because it is a women's issue. Feminism also has recognised that it is important to foreground the women for whom it is an issue and let them lead in dealing with the issue. Feminism has not always succeeded in this. Womanism came directly out of the failure of second-wave feminism to engage with its own racism, in refusing to see issues for women of colour as women's issues. But, things have gotten better now that we're in the third wave, right? Not so much for trans women. Two recent discussions at major feminist blogs demonstrate this.

In the first case, we go to Feministing where Miriam posted a letter from Focus on the Family (FotF) which scaremongers about "men in the women's room" when anti-discrimination laws are passed. Cis women comments there started out the comments already falling for the meme. When allies, other trans women, and myself actually arrived and tried to bring the conversation back to reality, we were effectively ignored. The conversation continued to be about the dangers of having men in the same restroom as (cis) women and girls, how uncomfortable it would be to have men there, and how trans women were OK there as long as they didn't look too much like men. [Note: Comments have now been completely scrubbed at Feministing such that you will find none of what I talk about.]

Next, came Feministe with "By Any Other Name" which Cara wrote in response to an article by a cis man about what he learned from a trans woman student. The comments started out actually engaging the article and what Cara had said about it. However, the discussion then turned into a conversation about birth control methods which was neither in the OP nor a trans women's issue at all seeing as how we can't get pregnant. Voz and Galling Galla complained about it which finally led to Cara stepping in to say she would moderate heavier for derailing. However, prior to Cara's statement, one commenter actually had the gall to say "Not all discussions that crop up will be concerns to all women. Isn’t that bound to happen?". In a thread that specifically addresses an article about a trans woman, we're expected to see the discussion turning to exclusively cis-concerns as something that's bound to happen?

But maybe the Feministe commenter is right. Any discussion that crops up about trans issues is bound to not include the concerns of trans folk. It is always about the cis women. With a few (wonderful) exceptions, it seems as though cis women can't be bothered to consider any experience outside their own. At least not the cis women found at major online feminist sites. Way to include all women.

Bil Browning Appropriates Virginia Tech

2009-03-25T02:47:00.005-04:00

Update: For those who want a far better explanation of this than what I provide, start at voz's post on LiveJournal.

I really wasn't planning on getting involved into what is turning into a full-on blog war beyond commenting on other people's posts. First, I assume people who read me have no clue what I'm talking about so some background. lyssa, a trans woman of colour, made a comment at The Bilerico Project expressing her rage at the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) for what she sees as their contributing role to the loss of trans lives. It involved violent imagery. So, rather than just deleting the comment and chastising lyssa via email, Bil Browning, the owner of The Bilerico Project, decides to make an example of the comment and makes a post about it. He says this is not acceptable on his blog (fair enough as it is his blog) and how he would gladly turn over her info to the police for making a death threat. It's that latter bit that's the problem as the police are not the friends of trans women of colour. Anyway, you can see all of that, including lyssa's apology via a screenshot of Bil's post here.

So, in various places around LiveJournal and at Questioning Transphobia, there has been discussion about just how screwed up it is to threaten to call the police for something that is hyperbolic and how much danger that would place a trans woman of colour in. OK, fine. But, what about Virginia Tech? For that we have to turn to Twitter.

From the Bilerico (Bil Browning's) Twitter feed:

12:13 PM Mar 21st from TweetDeck in reply to soofriends
@soofriends And those fantasies get people killed. Think Virginia Tech. He put it all on the internet first

12:11 PM Mar 21st from TweetDeck in reply to soofriends
@soofriends I didn’t threaten her. I said if police come calling over death threats, I would cooperate. Wouldn’t you? Trans or not?

12:10 PM Mar 21st from TweetDeck in reply to soofriends
@soofriends Think how many times you hear about killers “I never would have thought…” You just never know.

Whoa! "Think Virginia Tech" Look, I don't have to think Virginia Tech. I was here at Virginia Tech for 16 April 2007 when 32 fellow students and faculty were killed. That was real. That was the action of an homicidally unstable individual. Not a justifiable expression of rage at an organisation that has over and over again betrayed trans people.

Thanks for reopening an unhealed wound, Bil! I still have my peace cranes from those that were sent in the thousands from other schools as an expression of solidarity for our grief. I still remember the signed cards, the huge signed sheets, the makeshift memorial now made permanent. I'm crying now just thinking about it. Is that what you wanted, Bil? And, I'm not the worst off by far. I've watched people break down repeatedly in tears for months afterwards because their friend was one of those killed. I remember the first anniversary of that horrid day being incredibly difficult for many of us. Oh, and did I mention we're coming up on the second anniversary really soon? We're still struggling with dealing. Great timing there, Bil!

So, Bil, from the bottom of this Hokie trans woman's heart, FOAD.

Trans "Theory" Reply Form Letter

2009-03-20T09:56:00.005-04:00

Shamelessly stolen from a post at the Transgender community on LiveJournal (with permission)

Instructions: Simply copy and tick the appropriate places to reply to Yet Another Cis (or Even Trans) Person Explaining Why Trans People Are the Way We Are

Your post advocates a:

( ) body dysmorphic
( ) brain structural
( ) nurture-based
( ) nature-based
( ) fetishistic
( ) product of abuse or parenting
( ) patriarchal coercion
( ) confused male-male homosexuality
( ) ulterior patriarchal motivational

theory of transsexualism. Your theory will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular idea, and it may have other flaws.)

( ) Not all transsexual or transgender people are the same
( ) Not all transgender people identify the same way
( ) There's no firm scientific evidence yet
( ) Not all transgender people were brought up the same way
( ) Diagnostic criteria is not written with a view to trans experience
( ) Biased scientific studies
( ) Not all transgender people were abused as children
( ) Blinding ideology
( ) Not all transsexual or transgender people want surgery

Specifically, your theory fails to account for:

( ) Applying the same ideas to non-trans people breaks the theory
( ) Independent thought and intelligence of trans people
( ) Ideology of people who want to erase trans people
( ) The complex nature of the human mind
( ) The day-to-day security of trans women
( ) Your definitions don't match reality
( ) The fact that lesbian trans women exist
( ) The fact that trans men exist
( ) Feminist trans women
( ) Trans voices and experiences
( ) Discrimination against trans people

and the following philosophical objections may also apply:

( ) An etiology of trans people shouldn't be necessary to ensure trans rights
( ) Biological reductionism sucks
( ) Rigidity of gender sucks
( ) Why should anyone care so much about what's in others' pants?
( ) What are your real motivations for interest in our etiology?

Furthermore, this is what I think about you:

( ) Sorry dude, but I don't think it would work.
( ) This is a stupid idea, and you're a stupid person for suggesting it.
( ) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn your house down!

Trans Men Assaulted Outside DC Club

2009-03-06T20:16:00.004-05:00

I visit a friend of mine in DC pretty regularly and participate in the lesbian club scene when I'm there, so I was disturbed to hear about lesbians assaulting trans men who were attending a lesbian night at Fab Lounge. My friend reminds me that this sort of thing is rare, but as a trans person I do feel vulnerable (even though I'm an awfully big girl).

(h/t Questioning Transphobia)

From the Washington Blade:

Two female-to-male transgender patrons at the Dupont Circle gay bar Fab Lounge told police they were verbally harassed and assaulted by two female customers who denounced one of the men as androgynous.

The D.C. Police Department’s Gay & Lesbian Liaison Unit was assisting Second District detectives in investigating last week’s incident to determine whether it should be classified as an anti-transgender hate crime, said acting Lt. Brett Parson, who oversees the unit.

Second District police officers responding to the scene did not designate the incident as a hate crime at the time they prepared their report of the assault, Parson said.

Mitch Graffeo, 40, of Alexandria, Va., said the incident began when he and a friend were getting ready to leave Fab Lounge shortly before 3 a.m. on Feb. 28 at the conclusion of the club’s weekly lesbian night. As his friend walked over to a sofa to retrieve his coat, a female customer began “groping” his friend, Graffeo said.

The 29-year-old friend, also from Alexandria, spoke to the Blade on the condition that he was identified only by his first name, Jaime.

Graffeo said Jaime, who is about 5 feet 4 inches tall and has a slender build, recently began a female-to-male gender transition process and has a youthful, boyish appearance. Graffeo noted he transitioned more than 10 years ago and his gender is readily recognized as that of a male.

“They said, ‘What the fuck are you? Are you a girl or a boy?’” Graffeo recalled one of the women saying to Jaime inside the club.

Graffeo said another woman, along with a man who was with them, joined the first woman in shouting insults aimed at Jaime’s appearance after Jaime asked the first woman to leave him alone.

Jaime told the Blade as many as three women in the bar ran their hands over his chest as they taunted him over his appearance, saying they wanted to find out if he was male or female.

He and Graffeo then left the Fab Lounge, which is located in a second-floor space at 1805 Connecticut Ave., N.W., in an effort to avoid a confrontation with the women, the two men said.

“When we were about 20 feet from the club’s entrance, one of the lesbians came up from behind and put [Jaime] in a headlock and again began to question his gender,” Graffeo said.

Jaime said that as the woman released him from her grip, another woman punched him repeatedly in the head and body, inflicting injuries that included a concussion, doctors told him later.

As the alleged assault unfolded on the sidewalk near the corner of Connecticut and Florida avenues, Graffeo said he asked the women to leave Jaime alone and announced he was calling the police on his cell phone. At that time, the woman who had held Jaime in a headlock “grabbed my phone out of my hands and hit me in the neck and head a few times,” Graffeo said.

Minutes later, Graffeo said, the male friend who had accompanied the women inside the club arrived in a car, which he stopped on Connecticut Avenue in front of the Royal Palace nightclub, which operates below Fab Lounge. He said the two women entered the car, which turned onto Florida Avenue and drove eastbound, Graffeo said.

He said police arrived minutes later after Jaime used his own cell phone to call 911. Graffeo noted that the woman who grabbed his phone never returned it, and the phone has been reported as stolen.

The two trans men said that officers who responded to the scene did not immediately indicate whether they attempted to locate or identify the attackers through a license plate number of the car the alleged attackers drove from the scene. The men said they saw the car license number and provided it to police.

Parson told the Blade that “all leads have been followed up on to include the license plate information provided in the report.”

Graffeo said Jaime declined an offer by D.C. police to call for an ambulance. Instead, he said, he drove Jaime to a hospital in Alexandria, which is closer to where Jaime lives.

Jaime told the Blade he was treated and released from the hospital after doctors administered a CT-scan and other medical tests. He said doctors told him he had a concussion and a whiplash injury to his neck. He also noted that he has numerous bruises on his body, face and head.

Parson said Second District police officers listed the incident in their report as an assault and theft. He said the officers did not initially classify the incident as a hate crime.

Graffeo and Jaime said they attempted to explain to the officers that Jaime was singled out because of his appearance and gender expression.

“I don’t know if they fully understood the situation,” Graffeo told the Blade. Graffeo said his reasons for talking with the Blade about the incident were twofold.

“I want to make our community aware that this hate crime occurred,” he said in an e-mail. “Moreover, I want to emphasize that this crime happened in a gay bar and that the offenders were from the LGBT community itself.”

Jaime said in a telephone interview that he was likewise “shocked that anything like this would happen here — that somebody from our own LGBT community would want to hurt somebody else from that same community.”

Parson said Second District police are investigating the incident with assistance from the GLLU.

“If we determine that the assault was wholly or partially motivated by bias toward their gender identity or expression, we could reclassify it as a hate crime,” he said.

Washington’s hate crimes law calls for stricter penalties for hate-related crimes where victims are targeted because of their actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity and expression.

Graffeo described the woman who assaulted him and took his cell phone as black, about 5 feet 4 inches tall, and weighing about 140 pounds. He said the woman sported hair with long braids and wore a black baseball cap, black jacket and blue jeans with designs on the pockets.

He and Jaime said they did not get a good look at the woman who repeatedly punched Jaime because Graffeo was distracted by the assault against him and Jaime’s vision was obstructed as he was struck.

Both men said the attack against Jamie took place in front of the entrance of the Royal Palace in clear view of a Royal Palace security worker. Graffeo said an employee of Fab Lounge also came out to the sidewalk where the assault occurred and appeared to have watched as one of the two women who committed the assault entered the car of the male friend.

Representatives of Fab Lounge and Royal Palace did not immediately respond to requests for comment.

Trans for Obama - Volunteer Edition

2008-10-23T11:39:00.002-04:00

For those of you who don't know, Trans for Obama is an effort to create an obvious trans presence in the presidential campaign by trans people and allies. The point is in the number of people who contribute, not the amount. I contributed $5 since I am currently not wealthy. Please contribute what you can!

Silly me, I thought that my donation would otherwise go unnoticed. Not so! I recently got a call from the local Obama campaign HQ asking me to volunteer since they really need volunteers in these final days before the election. Not quite being up to the personal rejection involved in canvassing, I volunteered instead for the phone banks. Not thinking, I signed up for a four hour shift.

Four hours of making phone calls is a strain on any voice. It's even more a strain when you're a transwoman without voice training and trying hard to gender "woman" not "man" with your voice. While I overall scored more "ma'am" than "sir" responses, at the end it was a losing battle. I had also signed up for the next day but that didn't happen since my voice is still recovering.

As for the actual calls, it was mostly heartening. I ended up calling older voters who I was more concerned about having open racism inform their voting discussions. That wasn't true with perhaps a couple exceptions. One man said that he didn't want Obama in the White House because he it contained "National Treasures" which presumably a black man would either destroy or steal. Others showed that right-wing rhetoric worked. A woman said she wasn't voting for anyone with the middle name of Hussein (I guess I should be thankful my middle name is my mother's name?). I only got a few hangups and thankfully no one yelled at me, though I did have one man talk my ear off. But he was voting for Obama, so I let him.

As a person interested in the workings of politics as well as gender, I found it interesting that the operation was staffed by women and most of the volunteers were women. Of the men that did volunteer, they overwhelmingly chose canvassing. I'm not sure what, if anything, can be made of this, but it did seem interesting.

On a personal level, it was gratifying to be correctly gendered by everyone even if they hadn't been introduced to me. On a sad note, I lost an earring to the cause.

On Being a "Deceiver"

2008-10-13T17:06:00.000-04:00

Transphobia, like homophobia, sexism, and racism, can be found everywhere. Including internalised in me. I thought I'd gotten past my own transphobia since I started transitioning. I was wrong.

I've been involved with a semi-volunteer, occasional community thing. So, I was talking to a friend the other day about the fact that I wasn't sure I wanted to continue doing it even though they could really use me. She pointed that I was afraid of being considered a "deceiver" because I started doing this pre-transition. She's right. I don't want to deal with the discomfort of having to say, basically, "This is who I really am." The fact that I have to say that lends credence to the idea that I was deceiving them before.

I'm really wrestling with this. I believe in being true to myself, but yet I feel the shame society wants me to feel over transitioning, in stepping away from the role and identity that I'm expected to fit. At this point, I probably won't be doing the community thing just because of the fact it's a specific time thing, and it's probably too late to do it now. I admit to cowardice in dealing with it. I still have a ways to go with ridding myself of my own transphobia.

Trans-Consumerism for Transsexual Women

2008-10-01T16:01:00.008-04:00

I apologise if this post is somewhat disjointed and not fully fleshed out. I decided it was better to post what I had than to continue playing around with it and never post it.

Fall has arrived. I could really use some fall skirts and tops. I could also really use electrolysis. Welcome to the world of trans-consumerism for a femme transdyke.

I started thinking about this thanks to two recent posts Sublimefemme has made about queer, especially femme, consumerism in response to a current article in The Advocate titled "The Cost of Being Gay". Consumerism is hardly limited to queer culture in America. America relies on its cultures and communities being soaked in consumerism.

As I think Sublimefemme has covered consumerism for the queer femme rather well, I'm going to look at the consumerism facing the transwoman. One immediate point to make is that consumerism for transwomen is very much a class issue, moreso than usual consumerism because of the staggering costs involved in some choices. But, like all consumerism, none of the following choices must be chosen, but some bring comfort to me as a transwoman and some bring more correct gendering of me by others (at least, theoretically).

The cheapest consumer choices for a transwoman are beauty rituals such as shaving, tweezing, plucking, and so on. Slightly more expensive are clothes and makeup (though these can get hideously expensive, of course). All of this is in common with ciswomen and is about as accessible (with the possible exception of buying women's clothing the first time) with respect to class.

Next up the ladder is hormone therapy. This requires medical and usually psychological clearance and so is more than a bit of a step up. Then there's the cost of the hormones themselves. I can't imagine handling this part without health insurance and drug coverage which also cost. This is definitely where class starts to be a factor not only in the question of monetary resources but also in dealing with the psycho-medical establishment, since one normally needs to know how to go about getting a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder, a reference to a physician/endocrinologist, and possibly even having to educate that person on what the appropriate course of treatment is.

Next we enter the world of what is commonly called cosmetic surgery. This includes procedures for electrolysis, facial feminisation, breast augmentation, orchiectomy, and vaginoplasty. One does not have to have any or all of these surgeries, but isn't that the point of consumerism? We don't have to have it, we're led to want it. However, these can cost tens of thousands of dollars as well as pain, time, and significant hurdles put in place by the medical industry.

Even if I were rich, I have issues. Let me start with my major issue: surgery. I've had emergency surgery twice in my life, and I can tell you I'm not a big fan of surgery. While I believe in bodily autonomy, my right to do to my own body what I want to improve it (if you will), I'm disturbed by the cosmetic medical industry and how it feeds off insecurities about looks and fitting in as a woman. I'm thinking here mostly about breast augmentation and facial feminisation. But one can certainly argue vaginoplasty falls into this category. In the otherwise despicable "The Transsexual Empire", Janice Raymond does an analysis of the traditional psycho-medical industry of sex-reassignment surgery (as it was then called) which is well worth reading. Unfortunately I can not currently locate my copy to quote from it.

Let me take breast augmentation as an example. It's apparently a common procedure for transwomen. I just had an argument over this procedure with a cisfriend of mine who wants breast augmentation for herself even as I think her breasts are beautiful the way they are. There's a tension between what we think of our own bodies and what society expects of our bodies. A common feminist tenet is that women's bodies are public property. I have to agree. For myself, that comes up as a question of what looks "normal" on my frame. "Normal" is not only a question of what is average but what is socially constructed as an appropriate size. And right now, apparently I have "man boobs" size. So, if it were just a question of conformity, I'd scrape up the cash and buy me some breasts. But, I do question social standards and consumerism.

So, what's a mindful gal to do? I don't know. I'd not be shy in telling you if I did. So, I encourage y'all to tell me what you think, what questions you have, and (if you're kind) critiquing my post.

Sarah Palin - Tranny?

2008-09-17T21:49:00.003-04:00

I love politics enough such that I have majored in it. But I hadn't planned on blogging about Sarah Palin because so many other people are doing it so well with opinions that match mine. However, recently a column used transphobia to attack her. I just couldn't ignore that without calling it out.

Michael Seltzman wrote at the Huffington Post a column titled "Sarah Palin Naked" which starts off just as sexist and misogynistic as it sounds. In talking about wanting to have sex with Sarah Palin, because obviously that's an appropriate thing for political discourse, he offers the following:

My wife is cool with this if I promise to "first wipe off Palin's tranny makeup." I married well.

Haha. I'm laughing so hard. A real comedian there, his wife. Transphobia is so funny. Especially when it's also expressing lookism at the same time. Because I find it hard to believe that she's complimenting Palin on her gender presentation. Instead, it's fairly clear she expressing the stereotypical view that transwomen use makeup poorly. She's calling into question Palin's womanhood.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I despise the word "tranny". It has the same history as the despicable "shemale", coming to us from the porn industry to describe a fetishistic type of porn with transwomen. Just google "tranny" and you'll find that most results, other than sites of transfolk trying to reclaim the word, point to porn images of transwomen. When not using it for porn, straight cispeople use it in the same way they use "man in a dress", to discredit people. Not that I'm happy when queer cispeople use it either, but they generally don't seem to intend insult.

So, while I'm no fan of Sarah Palin, and certainly fear what would happen if she became Vice-President, I do have to protest the use of transphobia to assault her. Want to attack her? There are plenty of ways to legitimately do so, calling her out on her political policies and actions. But, knock off the transphobia and sexism. I don't want to have to defend people I don't like.

Bitchin' Phasefest 2008

2008-09-14T13:46:00.003-04:00

So I went up to DC to catch at least some of Phasefest 2008. Actually I went to catch Bitch. I've been a fan of hers ever since I heard "Drag King Bar" by Bitch & Animal "back in the day" (as Bitch put it). I only saw some of her set during the Official Capitol Pride Women's Dance Party back in June because of some drama, so I really, really wanted to go even though I didn't have the money. Fortunately, I've never been one to let common sense enter into my decisions.

Thanks to my usual poor planning and luck (plus poor directions interpretation by a friend since we were driving and not going by Metro), I managed to not get to Phase 1 until she had already started her set. She was just as awesome as I was hoping. Even the annoyingly loud women that I got the honour of standing near couldn't take much away from that. I was thrilled when she pulled out the fiddle. However, this was marred when she then referred to a "tranny boi" she'd been interested in. I'm not a fan of that word, especially coming from cispeople no matter how much I love their music.

After her set ended (all too soon for me, and unfortunately without "Pussy Manifesto" since I missed that in her Women's Party set thanks to the afore-mentioned drama), I wandered back to the table of her stuff. I signed up for her mailing list and waited behind some women who were taking up the space in front of Bitch's stuff at the table. They were chatting with someone for forever which was irritating since I couldn't see around them to what was on the table. I was looking for the "Pussy Manifesto" sticker set Bitch had mentioned during her set.

Finally they wandered off, and I found myself face-to-face with Bitch. Ooops. See, I'm pretty shy most of the time, especially with someone I'm attracted to, or admire, or is famous, or... you get the point. So I was completely unprepared to be talking to Bitch even as she was completely prepared to be talking to another fan. I impressively managed to not stutter as I told her how long I'd been a fan. And then I kinda ran out of steam. I even forgot to mention I'd seen her on the cover of and in the September issue of Curve with Daniela Sea (who has those incredible eyes and... oh, where was I?). She was kind enough to help me decide that I should get her first album, Make This/Break This, since I haven't kept up on her more recent music thanks to lack of dough. Sadly, I couldn't also get the stickers as I didn't have enough cash thanks to poor pre-planning on my part (even worse since they're not yet for sale at her online store). I snuck off once she was kind enough to stop talking to me.

So, while I enjoyed going I'm less-than-thrilled at making such a poor impression for Bitch. Alright, I'm mortified. Especially since I don't think I pass at all, thus making it more likely she'll remember me. Not to mention I was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and hadn't done my makeup. Bleh. Ah, well, when next we meet I'll be prepared. Gushy fan attack!

The next night, thanks to again less-than-spectacular planning and execution (I got my hair cut and dyed, which I hadn't planned on, and then took forever getting dressed and doing my makeup), I arrived late again. Just as my friend and I were about to open the door what sounded like a screaming orgasm came from within. Unsure what to expect, we went in and found that it was Pandora Scooter who apparently has an affinity for screaming in her poems which she showed again later in epic dyke me: the least raving mess (repeatedly screaming dyke in a lesbian bar gets a good crowd reaction in case you were wondering). She was cool, and I'm sorry I didn't get to hear her whole set. After her was Shunda K of Yo! Majesty who I didn't get into. The beats were OK but just not my thing. She was also the last set of the night, so not much later my friend and I headed back to the Metro.

Sadly, my friend had a family emergency so I wasn't able to go to any of Saturday which sucked since that was when the lap-dancing and harness panels were as well as Alix Olson and Athens Boys Choir, both of whom I wanted to hear. Not to mention wanting to see the DC Kings! I have this thing for drag kings. Well, maybe next year.

Transgender Discrimination Survey from NCTE

2008-09-14T04:41:00.002-04:00

In case anyone has missed it, the National Center for Transgender Equality, along with Pennsylvania State University, is doing a survey on discrimination experiences for transgender people. It's not a hard survey to fill out, so please go here and do so if you're transgender.

Transdyke to Watch Out For

2008-09-01T10:11:00.007-04:00

(with apologies to Alison Bechdel)

I hear you thinking "What the heck is a transdyke? And, why should I watch out for one?" Fear not, gentle reader, I will answer these questions for you only to probably replace them with many more.

Transdyke refers to a transgender lesbian. Some people find this term offensive. I, however, use it to label myself because I'm transgender and I'm a dyke. If you don't know what transgender means, go to wikipedia or something to find out since that's too long to go into here. As for dyke, I use it for its reclaimed meaning of a strong lesbian since I tend to be strongly opinionated and sometimes even self-assured.

So, basically, I'm saying you should watch out for me. Why? Because I'm sure sooner or later to offend you. At least, if I haven't then I've probably not written well or else you haven't understood what I'm actually saying. Let me start off with the offending by fully labelling myself.

I'm a woman. I'm a transgender woman. I'm a dyke. Other lesbians accept me as a lesbian. I'm queer. I'm a feminist. I am some sort of post modern (pomo)/radical feminist. I am a sex positive feminist meaning I don't find erotica/pornography, sex work/prostitution, BDSM, butch-femme, sex acts or sex toys to be anti-feminist. I like erotica/pornography. I like lesbian erotica/pornography. BDSM is fun. Butches are hot. Femmes are hot. OK, women in general are hot. I have sexual kinks. I'm pro-LGBTQ. I think LGBTQ issues are feminist issues. I think transgender issues are feminist issues. I think that political lesbianism is a theft of lesbian identity and culture. I'm an anti-capitalist socialist more or less. I'm a university student. I'm studying to be an academic. I'm an activist in both feminist and LGBTQ issues. I'm accepted as a woman and a feminist by my university feminist group. I benefited from male privelege for most of my life. I'm a transsexual woman. I only started transitioning a year ago. I'm an agnostic pagan who grew up Christian. My good Christian mother loves me, her transgender daughter. I'm mentally ill. "Gender dysphoria" does not make me mentally ill. I am neither young nor beautiful. I'm overweight/fat. Becoming a femme transdyke does not mean I'm reifying the gender binary. Transmen are men. Asexual, bisexual, genderqueer, pansexual, polysexual, and all sorts of other gender and sexual identities exist and are valid.

That's not everything, but it's a good start for offending people I'm sure. However, I'm not trying to offend just to offend. I'm trying to speak and stop the erasure of my reality, my identity, my very being. So, I hope that you'll stick around even if I've already offended you or even if I've not yet managed it.

Guitar Heroin(e)

2008-09-01T08:42:00.004-04:00

I'd planned for my first blog post to actually give a background of who I am, what I think, and why the heck anyone should read my blog. And then a friend and I played Guitar Hero III last night and into the early morning. I'm really not a big fan of video games and yet I find it incredibly addicting. It was nice to have women as well as men guitarists shown playing, although if you're watching the pretty video you're not really playing the game well. I also embarrassed myself somewhat as I found myself rocking out while playing so I must have been having fun.

However, I was less than thrilled with the fact that you almost always have the same dude singing. Why? Because out of the 70-some songs in the game exactly three were sung by women. Uh, hello? That's just ridiculous, especially when you've included songs from 1966 or so on to now. Sure, rock may be dominated by men, but not to this extent. Geez!

So props for the women guitarists since women strum just as hard, but lack of hard-rocking women singers ticks me off since I like singing when I'm playing.